It’s like senioritis; that feeling that it’s all going to be over so soon and you’re sad, but also excited, antsy even, and above all you’re letting go.
That’s what I feel like I’m doing here these last two weeks in my service location: letting go. I know that if I don’t call X and Y person, the meeting it’s critical happen may or may not end up happening. That chance has always led me to make the call but now the inevitable truth that if this doesn’t work without me it doesn’t work at all is suddenly all too clear. So I don’t call. (Or, ok, maybe I call at the last minute, or maybe I call a person who could make the calls instead of me…) and above all, I relax.
I care a lot about the church and network processes I’ve been acompanying here. But I also have to acknowledge that if I’ve let myself become a coordinator, and not just a support, that’s a problem and I’m not going to be able to fix that problem right now. So I have to let the system regulate itself 😉 And the amazing thing is, it will. People are stepping in, and it may be chaotic or slower for a while, but it’s important, it will get done.
My comfort-thought has been that I’m fairly decided on coming back to visit in June of next year, hopefully. If I get a job. If I get vacation time. If a meteor doesn’t smack into the earth.
I’m enjoying my last “festivo”, randomely-off-monday here in Medellin and reminding myself, as I have for a while, that life has never been predictable, that my plans have always been more about feeling in control than actually knowing what would happen. I know that I am a different person today than I was when I first arrived in Colombia, and thank God because how terrible would it be to stagnate at 22? I can’t describe to you the changes yet, though, I think that comes with time, with encountering familiar settings while being different yourself. Probably you all will be able to tell me more about the changes than I myself can describe. For now, though, it is important to breathe. Say goodbye well, appreciate all this place has given me, and step forward without fear or arrogance, but with gratitude and hope.